DEA agent shoots himself in the foot during demonstration.

Judge Ball: Masturbator’s testimony was “self serving”

Unlike the good folks at the FAILblog, who are frequently duped in to publishing onion-esque articles on their front page, I made sure to check to make sure this was a legitimate article before posting.

Gabor’s prince mistakes glue for eye drops

“Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, accidentally glued his eye shut Tuesday morning”

News of this happening to someone in the world seems to pop up at least once every few years. The last time I recall was this, as Bill Maher reported:

“An elderly woman in Pheonix was reaching for her cataract medicine and, yes, she Super glued her eye shut. And after seeing what happened, her husband of many years, took the Super Glue and moved it next to the toothpaste.”

This particular incident is only slightly political because the guy who did it happens to have bought his way in to a royal family, sorta. But it brings up all sorts of person memories for me, like when my friend mistook aerosol glue for aerosol deodorant and when I mistook aquarium glue for lotion in the dark.

“What’s in a name?”

What’s in a name?, originally uploaded by Lufitoom.

Re-elect Deb Hadcock, the presumably-transsexual candidate!

Prank calls to racist school!

Isn’t it about time that I, Kevin R. Breen of FAILocracy did something, I don’t know, HEROIC? Yes. It is time.

Below is an image of the official election rules for Nettleton Middle School’s 2010 officer elections.

You can see more details about this in my write-up at When Falls the Coliseum.

Campaign ad including actual quote, “I wish it weren’t, but it’s a free country,” from Mass. governor.

Cop tries to arrest KFC employees over order!

I’ve heard of lots of incidents of people calling the police over fast food orders, but this is the first one I’ve seen where the person doing the calling actually was a cop. This happened right here in Arizona.

Authorities pursue man running with scissors

ASSMAN for Senate!

I snapped this photo while driving by the other day. Rodney Glassman, Arizona candidate for US senate, has an unfortunate name. Even more unfortunate is the fact that his center-aligned campaign signs are easily-vandalized to appear left-aligned.

Soldiers doing—jumping jacks?

I’d stay home sick those days.

LMS Anal Exams, originally uploaded by nosajeel99.

LMS Anal Exams

“A firm incentive”

A firm incentive, originally uploaded by bathroomgirl.

This goes in the “unfortunately-named politicians” category.

Sure, this excuse flies, but “My dog ate my homework,” doesn’t?

Also, while not technically a sentence, the headline ends with a preposition. A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with.

Palin’s hand said WHAT? Dick Cheney, Jimmy Hoffa, and Pheromones!

I have to cover a lot in this episode. First, Sarah Palin has been caught reading notes from her hand again. Second, is Dick Cheney dead? Third, Jimmy Hoffa’s body has been found! Last, a pheromone can make you irresistible.

“I’m kevin breen from FAILocracy.com, and I’ve got a lot to talk about today. First, a brief story about Sarah Palin. Next, is Dick Cheney dead? Then, as a result of the biggest scoop in my journalistic career: I will reveal the location of missing labor organizer Jimmy Hoffa’s body. After that, researchers at Harvard medical school have stumbled upon a pheromone that will make people irresistible to the opposite sex that can be created with simple household ingredients.

First, I just want to get the palin story out of the way.
Sarah Palin was caught reading notes on economic policy from her hand on Fox News Sunday. This isn’t the first time Palin has been embarrassed when footage of notes on her hand got out. I’m just going to move on to the next story because this is just embarrassing for her and her party…”

Cop cut out on patrol to watch “Bridget the Midget” at a strip club

From bostonherald.com:

Hitting up a strip joint while on duty to catch “Bridget the Midget” do her act was a “stupid decision” that has cost a Stoughton crimefighter his job and reputation, the repentant cop told the Herald yesterday.

That quick peek inside Alex’s gentleman’s club, along with other infractions, forced Officer Richard P. Bennett, 28, to hand in his badge.

Bennett was quoted saying, “A part of me wants to say, ‘Where was the news when I pulled someone out of a burning car last year?” You fuck one goat…